Traditional virtues weigh on modern women

07/05/2008
Who is the perfect modern woman? A high-powered businessperson or a skilful housewife?

The image of the ideal woman in Viet Nam is changing as fast as the economy but not at the expense of traditional values, and as more women concentrate o­n building a career rather than a family, the dichotomy between tradition and development is becoming harder for them to consolidate.

Not so long ago, the female beau ideal in Viet Nam was defined by four features: cong (talented, particularly in doing housework), dung (a cheerful demeanour), ngon (polite, with a soft and gentle voice) and hanh (morally virtuous and well-behaved).

But for many young people, particularly those born in the 1980s, 1990s generations whose ambitions centre around studies abroad and well-paid jobs, learning how to do housework is not a top priority.

That’s certainly the story for 28-year-old Hoang Thi Huyen, a manager at a foreign-invested company. "I’m very confident at doing my job but I know I’m not very good at household chores, especially cooking," she admits.

"When I was growing up, we never had to help our mum with the housework because she wanted us to spend our free time studying for school," she says.

Huyen says now, even though she’s married, she still doesn’t know how to cook a good meal. "Now me and my husband often go to my parent’s house for dinner. It’s a bit embarrassing, I can’t even cook a good soup."

Huyen blames her own domestic shortcomings o­n the traditionally perfect role her mother played. "Mum dedicated herself completely to raising a family.

"When we were young, mum did everything in the house, including taking care of her parents-in-law. But despite being busy, she always made time to help us with our homework.

"Mum gets up at 5am, exercises, then goes to the market. After that she cooks the family’s meals for the day. I can’t do that, I work full time."

But it wasn’t because her mother liked doing all the work herself that she didn’t teach her daughter how to do the housework, Huyen explains.

"She didn’t teach me because she thought with all the new technology and wealth in the world I wouldn’t need to know. I’d have machines and a maid to do the work for me."

It’s certainly true that more families in Viet Nam’s economic hubs are employing maids and nannies to help them raise their families. But some are still following the traditional path.

Despite the fact that many women are encouraged to pursue good careers, the idea of the perfect wife is still o­ne who creates a happy home and whips up delicious meals everyday. Despite the stress, o­ne teacher at the National Economic University in Ha Noi, Ngoc Anh, still manages to balance work both outside and inside the home.
"My parents encouraged me and my brother to do chores from a young age," she says.

"It was never a punishment, it was more like family bonding. We did everything together – going to the market, buying groceries, preparing meals, cleaning the house and washing clothes."

Making housework something everyone did, not just the women, was the secret of success in her home, Ngoc Anh says. "Actually, I think housework is very relaxing for both sexes. I try to teach my kids the same way my mother taught me."

One thing Ngoc Anh does do entirely herself is cooking. Along with a busy work schedule, making time to prepare meals for her husband can be a real challenge but she still tries to do a good job. "It’s worth the effort because my family loves my cooking and never asks to eat out," she says.

"My husband says he’s the luckiest man in the world because he has a happy family and tasty meals everyday, unlike some of our friends who have to go out for meals."

Keeping your house in order teaches you valuable skills for life, says Nguyen Thi Kim, manager of Ha Noi’s Tinh Hoa Private School for Housework. The o­nce-famous school teaches youngsters various skills, including cooking, embroidery and sewing.

"Times are changing and our school isn’t as popular as it used to be," Kim says.

"In the past, we got hundreds of pupils all year round. Nearly all of them were girls because according to Vietnamese custom, girls must be able to take care of the house well or face the disapproval of her in-laws."

The problem nowadays is many young people don’t have the inclination or the time to study. "Parents don’t encourage their kids to learn because they think studying to get a good job is more important."

Today it’s not so much about attractiveness to the opposite sex, Kim says, learning how to run your house properly gives women more confidence and teaches them how to deal with responsibility. These skills are useful in any field of life.

VNS/by Thanh Ha

NEWS

Video